Rules for Virgins Read online

  I tell you these things so you can avoid the pain of truth later. Our world is full of temporary promises and guile. It is necessarily so. We are not evil people, this is just how we survive. There are only a few steps that separate success from failure. Understand this and you will not suffer from disillusionment as often as I did.

  You will have favorites among the suitors for your bud: the charming ones, the handsome ones. I will try to nurture those. But the madam will choose whoever she feels is the best for your defloration, the one who offers the most. If it is a man whom you find distasteful, I will ask Madam to let you have a little fun with the next. That way, if a man is odious, you’ll remember that better is yet to come.

  Just remember, the first week is the most profitable. After that, you’re no longer a virgin. Interest in you falls, the gifts are less. That always happens to young beauties. Once they’ve sold their inexperience, no one wants the rest of their inexperience. But you will surprise everyone. That’s what I’m teaching you: to use your brain as cleverly as you use your hips and mouth.

  In the House of Vermillion, all the hosts for parties and dinners will be rich, just as they were at Hidden Jade Path. The guests of hosts—maybe they are, maybe not. That’s where my skills come in. I can quickly find out. Since we’re part of a new flower house, we must depend at first on Vermillion’s fame and following of admirers to establish its reputation as first-class. So never steal her patrons or I’ll hand you the silken cord so you can hang yourself. News of the House of Vermillion has already been reported in the mosquito press, and the madam will ensure that there is more to come. The tabloids love exciting gossip—and scandal even more. There’s always some story about a bumpkin who claims he was fleeced by a dishonest courtesan. I think most of these accusers are simply cheapskates who thought they could throw down a Mexican dollar and get their stem caressed just as they did by a cheap whore at an opium flower house. Or they think that love in a courtesan house is truly love, and they claim later they were betrayed. But some courtesans are genuine connivers. And if they are caught, that spells the end of their career in Shanghai. They would have to move to another province to attract unsuspecting clients. I despise their kind. They make men think all flowers are pickpockets of the heart. You won’t find any courtesans like that in this house, so don’t you become one.

  I will get you off to a quick start by spreading good rumors in the tabloids. The editor of the most popular mosquito daily is a former lover of mine, and because I did not charge him for many of our trysts, I can ask him to put in a favorable word. We may have to make something up in the beginning. “A well-known shipping magnate said that the virgin courtesan at the House of Vermillion is worth an early look-see before she makes her official debut.” That will add intrigue as well as make it clear that you are with a first-class house, not the kind that charges one dollar for this, two dollars for that. That’s what the old bustard did, and it lowered us to a second-class house and encouraged customers to bargain for sex. Here, we don’t go back and forth on the price. It is three dollars for a party, and it does not include riding on the stem. No argument.

  The extras at the House of Vermillion will cost slightly more than most places. Your mother did the same, and it is a good strategy. If the prices are higher and the beauties are higher-class, a man feels all the more privileged. Vermillion has stocked French wine and special virility mushrooms. A good host would never deny his guests the fine wine just recommended by his courtesan. But she should never make the cost of saving face so high that a man must go elsewhere to show how generous he is. One man reviled a greedy house to the press, and as a result the house lost most of its business and had to close so it could start a new life under a different name. The man’s factory later burned down, and, fortunately for the reincarnated house, no one could prove the disaster was related to a grudge.

  At the party next week, there will be two beauties to stand behind each guest. The host of the party or Madam will make those arrangements. Whichever man you are assigned, keep in mind that he has no special rights to you. If he tries to sneak a hand onto your leg, move back, and apologize for being too close. Even so, you should be attentive to his needs—more wine, more tea. They expect to be pampered, and other men will notice if you are too lazy to do so. If he is playing the Finger Guessing game with the other men and he loses, he may give the penalty cup of wine to a beauty to drink.

  I know that often happened in your mother’s house. But do you know why? Why does the man not enjoy the wine himself? To stay clearheaded while gambling? No, he enjoys having a woman take the punishment for him. After all, a little cup of wine is not like a beating. But it weakens her a little, makes her drunk so she loses her calculating ways, especially in the boudoir. That’s what they think, anyway. They don’t know how cunning we are. When the beauty accepts the cup, the beauty next to her exchanges it for an empty one, then empties the wine into a vase. Have you ever wondered why there are so many vases and spittoons about the place? Do you now see why it is unwise to make enemies with the other beauties of the house? You should practice this sleight of hand many times. I don’t want you drunk and sick. That would make a lasting impression of the worst kind.

  To entice a guest with your eyes, wait until the man stares at you. Look past his gaze before returning your eyes for only a moment. As the night progresses, let your eyes linger, longer each time, and let your smile grow, so his confidence does as well. Forget that demure technique of casting the eyes downward and pretending to be flustered. That may have worked ten years ago. These days, fake coyness just makes a man confused. You don’t have to be brazen, but your meaning should be clear. Some of my clients reached the heights through eyes alone. You think that’s victory? Ha. Once the stem shrinks to normal, the man is no longer urgent. He’s content to go home.

  Watch out for cheapskates. They may come as guests of the host. A country cousin, an old schoolmate, the kind who’s used to second-class houses or worse. You can tell who they are because they don’t know the rules. They woo courtesans who already have patrons. They think they can bed a beauty the first night. They don’t bother to tip attendants or maids. That’s the worst. I’ll be quick to excuse you from such parties, announcing that you have a call chit for a party hosted by the ever-useful Mr. Wu on East Prosperity Road. But some of the cheapskates may be newly rich and don’t know our customs. For those I have a pamphlet, which many beauties use: Li Shang-Yin’s “Advice to Men Visiting Brothels.” Tried-and-true for hundreds of years. A man should not brag about the size of his stem. He should not make false promises. He should not piss in front of the courtesan. And so on. I added that a man should give generous tips to maids and attendants. Why not? It saves everyone time and embarrassment.

  The guests to really watch out for are tagalongs who are disreputable. Some of them have manners of the highborn, but they’ve gambled away their family’s wealth. Or they burned it up into opium smoke. They come bearing jewelry they’ve stolen from their mothers or sisters or wives. (Nothing would follow after they’ve disbursed those.) Worse are thieves who took jewelry from the boudoirs of beauties they lured with their lies. They carry stolen bracelets and rings from one house to the next. A friend of mine lost her entire retirement savings to just such a thief. We all thought he should have had his stem cut off and fed to the dogs, and the madam of the house thought so, too. She hired gangsters to track him down, and let’s just say that they fed that dog much more than his stem. I will always be on the lookout for scoundrels and thieves. If I steer you away from a man, that may be the reason. Never question what I do or you’ll be fucking thugs and their friends as repayment for the help you didn’t want.

  There are tempting young men—rich, handsome, but spoiled and heartless, too. They show off to their friends. They toss out gifts—jeweled hairpins to this flower, bracelets to that one. They woo so passionately that the beauties vie among themselves to have them stay the night. Those beauties dream of making them
their patrons. They give them everything in one night, but the next day those young men are courting another. They want only to trample as many flowers as they can. They compete and brag about how little time it took. They describe the pudendum, as proof they entered her gates. This is why I require a courtship of no less than a month. You may have only three or four intimate suitors during this period, and only those who might become patrons. These three or four will keep you busy enough.

  There is another kind of suitor I will help you avoid. They are like stallions and never seem to exhaust themselves. As soon as they’re done, they’re ready to mount you again. With them, you will have no strength to rise in time to take tea with the first-time guests, the new opportunities. You will not look your best when you take carriage rides. And you know what the mosquito press will say. Is the flower Violet wilting and about to fall?

  A man’s manners may be impeccable until he is in your bed. There is a type who thinks he can order up any kind of sex, like dishes on a menu. He brings his pillow book to ask for the outlandish positions he’s illustrated in the back. It’s one thing to lash a beauty’s arms to the high corner of the bed and quite another to hang her upside down like a monkey from the chandelier. They don’t care if the chandelier crashes down or an arm is twisted loose from its socket. I know of one girl who fell on her head, and afterwards she put her clothes on backwards and never said two words that made any sense. The house couldn’t keep her, and I don’t know where she went.

  The most dangerous is the Lover of Blood-Curdling Screams. He would just as soon fuck a pig and your mother. Most of those men go to streetwalkers. But the wealthy ones can afford to torture even a famous beauty. He loves to give a woman pain—and it does not come from a few slaps on the buttocks. The conceited girls are his favorite. They refuse him at first and are lured by his money. The innocent ones are entranced from the start. He can only be satisfied when he sees a beauty’s eye bulge when she has no breath to cry out for help. A few years ago, that happened to a courtesan in the House of Vitality. She was young and naive, like you, only seventeen. She knew everything—no one could tell her what to do. The demon encouraged her haughtiness. He asked to be her humble servant. He came laden with gifts and threw a banquet in her honor. The attendant invited him into the beauty’s boudoir. In the morning, the attendant found her dead and went insane. I won’t describe what the monster did. I can already see you’re sufficiently scared.

  The suitors I’ll find for you will treat you like a lily made of white jade. A few will even be so overly polite you’ll be bored to tears when they seek your permission for every peek and touch. Rich old men can be among the best suitors and patrons. They’re experienced, generous, and they know how to tip. They enjoy adulation, but don’t need praise all night long. You’ll know who they are by how warmly I receive them. “Come sit here,” I’ll say, “your favorite spot by the window. Eat this, it’s your favorite snack. Drink this wine, it makes you hearty. Violet will sing your favorite song.” In the boudoir, they’ll treat you like the Goddess of Mercy in a holy temple. They’ll place offerings on your belly so that you might grant their stem a longer life. You may have to apply some herbs to get their stem to stand up, and the potions I have almost always work. Often he will simply fall asleep and dream of what he couldn’t do. Tell him your dream of what he did. There is another good trait of old men: They are loyal. They won’t chase after flowers, one after the next. They don’t want to educate a new girl about their inabilities. The only problem with old men is that they die, sometimes suddenly. You may have one as your patron who gives you a handsome stipend. It’s a sad day when you hear his sons are burning incense for him at the family temple. You can be sure that his wife won’t be toddling over with your stipend in hand.

  With all these things, I will choose the very best suitors and patrons, who will go crazy to have you. My plan is to pay off your debt to Madam in three years or less. The furniture, clothes, and rent already come to two hundred fifty dollars. And that does not include your share of the food, the sedan, and the telephone. Once you’re free, you can do as you please, as long as you pay the rent and give Madam a small portion. When your savings have mounted, we can rent our own house and start a business of our own. I already have one in mind.

  For your defloration, I would like you to earn a full set of jewelry. Most beauties are happy with the usual two gold bangles and bolt of silk. If I have my way, you will receive much more than that. An expensive ring or necklace might be enough, but once he’s in your room, I’ll suggest that he celebrate by giving you the rest of the set. After your defloration, we’ll need to work hard to accumulate more sets. We may have to rent jewelry from older courtesans who are hanging on and in need of cash. All those necklaces and bracelets will show future patrons how popular you already are. Once a man is your patron, always wear your most expensive set. Praise it lavishly, but add a small criticism. Tell him dark rubies do not flatter your complexion. Mention that the style is a little old-fashioned for a girl as young as you. Say that you saw a beauty who wore a more modern set, and that it showed what good taste her patron had. Now he has the opportunity to offer you jewelry more to your liking. If he says nothing, then that will be the last evening he comes to your boudoir until he offers a suitable form of admiration.

  If he offers to take you to a jewelry store, let him know that Eight Virtues, on Felicity Lane, has the best selection and that they are also very honest and never claim that gold over silver is pure gold, unlike Eight Precious Garden, over on Fourth Avenue. I know the owner of Eight Virtues, Mr. Gao, and he will have already set aside two sets, one quite expensive, the other not as expensive but also very nice. When you arrive, Mr. Gao will ask your suitor what he has in mind. If he does not ask for a specific piece of jewelry, Mr. Gao will bring out the expensive set—bracelet, necklace, ring, and hair ornament. You should murmur that if you had a set like that, you would no longer wear the jewelry you have now. If the suitor tells you to try it on, remove the jewelry you have on, throw it on the counter, and tell Mr. Gao to give it to the memorial fund for chaste widows. Don’t worry, Mr. Gao will later come to the house and return the set. Now that you’ve discarded the other jewelry, what can your suitor do? He should buy the set you love so much to show he values you more than anyone, and since you value this set more than any other, the feeling is mutual. At the very least, he should buy a set worth a little more than the one you gave to the faithful widows. You cannot accept anything less.

  Yet you also cannot appear greedy. You should not bargain with him. However, you can bargain with Mr. Gao on his behalf. Take off the necklace and examine it. Call attention to a flaw in one of the jewels, a little blur. Mr. Gao will look at it and acknowledge this with dismay and immediately offer a lower price. You can admit you still like the set but are not sure if it’s the right thing to get. You should then ask your suitor what he thinks. Is it still worth it? Notice the way that question is phrased. You are not asking him to buy it; you are asking if it is worth the money. If he does not answer immediately, Mr. Gao will lower the price again, saying he does not want anybody saying his merchandise is flawed. He adds that he is willing to sell the set for such a small sum because you said you liked it more than anything you’ve ever had. And when others see it, you might tell them the same. They will also think you paid full price. So this is beneficial to all. At this point, your suitor will likely buy it. After all, he’s struck a bargain without even trying.

  On the other hand, he could decline to buy the set, and now he has a reason to do so without losing face. The set is imperfect. You said so yourself. Ask Mr. Gao if there is anything similar in style that is without flaws. Mr. Gao will bring out the second set I selected. It will be less expensive than the first set but more than the discounted price. You can exclaim over this unbelievable price. If the suitor does not immediately say he will buy it, what does that mean? Whatever it means, so you do not lose face, look at the set again and find something
else that is not to your liking that you had not noticed before. I will ask Mr. Gao if he will have new sets next week. He will say yes, and I will suggest we return. Then we can see what happens. You might be surprised.

  One beauty told me that she was once confronted with a similar humiliating situation. She walked toward the door and tried for one last gift, stopping to admire a headband. It was decorated with small pearls and was expensive for a headband, but not extraordinarily so. The suitor said that it did not become her. She was disheartened and prepared to walk away empty-handed when the man called out to Mr. Gao to bring out the headband he had seen the other day. When she saw it, she wept. It was encrusted with large pearls and diamonds and more expensive than the entire first set of jewelry. Mr. Gao had been in on this ruse. The suitor knew how courtesans played the game, but he truly loved this beauty, and he showed her it was not her tricks that had won his heart. When he became her patron, he gave her enough money to pay off her debts and open a house of her own. She was more devoted to him than any wife could be, and when he died suddenly, she killed herself to be with him. None of his other wives did that.

  As you can see, the strategies for winning a pledge from a patron must be carefully played. You don’t want to return home empty-handed too many times. That’s why I should accompany you on any visits to the jewelry store. And until you get a top-quality headband, study the one Vermillion has. It is almost as nice as the one I told you about, studded with pearls and diamonds and shaped to enhance the roundness of her forehead and the angle of her phoenix eyes. You should openly admire the headband. Say aloud how precious it is. Praise the patron who bought it. She will appreciate your flattery, because it will show in front of other men how valuable she is and that the gifts from her future suitors should be equal in quality to her headband. Her patron will also be encouraged to give her another nice gift. One day, Vermillion will do the same for you. Your flattery will also give your suitors an idea of the sort of gift that could win your heart. As you grow in popularity, you should eventually receive a headband worth ten times more than the one I gave you.